Is it Bad to Bash Your Ex? (Hint: Um, Yes)
After a breakup, not bad-mouthing your ex can feel next to impossible. When relationships end, the goal is (of course) to move on with our lives and be happy. And hopefully, that will happen. But it might take a while for it to do so. In the meantime, we can be angry and resentful and hurt and not behave in a way that is kind or healthy.
And that could lead to hurtful words being thrown back in our face. This is one thing that we forget when we bad-mouth our ex to our friends. That we can never take back the words that we say. And that our friends will never forget them.
Whether you left or were left, the end of the relationship can lead to anger, bitterness, and resentment. And keeping all those bad feeling to ourselves may feel impossible.
And, try as we might, keeping those feelings to ourselves can be difficult, sometimes even impossible. In fact, sometimes complaining to our friends can feel—momentarily at least—really good!
There are many reasons to wish to make your ex come across badly to others. You may want to seem like the “winner” in front of your friends. You may want to make it seem your ex never deserved you anyway. All these thoughts boost your confidence when it’s very low. You can even justify that you’re pointing out their flaws so you don’t make the same mistakes in the future,
The problem is that bashing your ex is like eating candy: there’s immediate gratification, but it works against you in the long run and may be something you come to regret. Think about it for a moment. When you bad-mouth your ex, does it make you feel good about yourself—or does it make you feel like a smaller person?
As I said, it can feel really good in the moment. You’re releasing your anger, and people around you are giving you positive affirmations, telling you that you’re right. But really, does it ultimately make you feel better about yourself?
The old maxim goes: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. For divorcing spouses, that may even constitute legal advice in these days where Internet and social media sites have become a significant part of many people’s daily lives. Divorce is an emotionally charged topic, for sure, but letting it all out in a public forum can lead you right into court, sued for libel, or having a harsher judgment levied against you in a divorce settlement.
It’s not advisable to discuss your relationship with everyone or say any bad things about your ex behind his back. They are bound to find out sooner or later, and it doesn’t make you look like a very nice person. Also consider, out of respect for yourself and your ex, that you probably don’t want everyone to know your business. Refrain from engaging in battles of one-upmanship. If you don’t have anything good to say about your ex, don’t say anything at all. Learn to focus your anger on positive outlets.
It's difficult, but your future self will thank you!